I'm Actual
by c. sherwood
Summary: “Dude, you’re hot,” Socko says, “in, like, a manly way. When did this happen?” Spencer gen, little hints of Seddie and Spencer/Socko


Originally written for the Hidden Things challenge at 5_4_3_2.

_i'm actual_

1000 words  
_icarly_  
pg13  
spencer shay gen, a hint of seddie  
warnings for: cross-dressing of the girly underwear variety, socko

_"Dude, you're _hot_," Socko says, "in, like, a manly way. When did this happen?"_

It starts like this: Socko dares him to dress as a woman for Halloween, and they spend three hours flirting with Victoria's Secret employees and trying to figure out how to get them to teach them how to buy a bra without actually _asking_ them how to buy a bra. Socko mentioned that Carly could have helped them, and Spencer had laughed and said no, _heck no_, because, in his world, Carly doesn't do things like buy bras or kiss boys or have scary girl feelings, because Carly is still six years old and afraid of the dark.

They wander the mall, and Socko makes distractions while Spencer finds clothes that fit, and he ends up at home before Carly gets back from school, three bags full of dresses and makeup and fancy underwear with lace in weird places hidden underneath his bed.

XXXXX

Spencer tries it out before Halloween, late at night sliding into a black dress that clings to parts of his body and sags a little at the front. He shucks it off at the shoulders and pulls on the bra they'd finally chosen, stuffs socks in the front of it and messes with them until they look less lumpy and more pleasingly round. When he fixes the arms again, he turns to the side in front of the mirror and hums, interested.

He sneaks into the bathroom and almost breaks his head on the sink trying to shave his legs and gets shimmery powder foundation all over the floor. When he gets back to his room, he turns all the lights on and sees a gawky-looking girl in his mirror, too tall, messy eyeliner and lipstick on her teeth. He turns around on his toes a few times, watching the skirt fly up around his knees.

"Huh." he says, then crawls under his bed, dress sliding up towards his hips, trying to find the underwear.

XXXXX

On Halloween night, he starts getting dressed an hour early before the party he's going to starts, and when he walks into the living room, Sam and Freddie are sitting on the couch waiting for Carly to get dressed for the webshow. He's wearing an even shorter dress and fishnets and shiny flats that he thought were pretty and don't make him any taller.

Sam starts to smile, and Freddie's eyes sort of linger on his fake boobs.

"You," Freddie says, looking flustered, "don't look like a great aunt this time."

"Having awkward feelings, Fredward?" Sam asks, waggling her eyebrows, and he turns to glare at her. Spencer thinks it's probably time to make his escape while they're busy having weird adolescent sexual tension together, and he rushes to the door, tugging his dress over his thighs as he goes.

XXXXX

"Dude, you're _hot_," Socko says, "in, like, a manly way. When did this happen?"

"Don't drink too much," Spencer says, "I don't want to be molested."

"I make no promises." he replies, cheerfully, throwing an arm around his waist and laughing when he holds open the door for him at the bar. Spencer thinks Socko might have started drinking before the party. He has terrible friends.

XXXXX

Guys keep giving his legs long, appreciative looks then freaking out when they get to his face and recognize him, except a few don't freak out, and eventually he makes Socko walk him home so nobody attempts to compromise his virtue.

He takes off the clothes slowly, washes his face with the fancy soap. When he goes to sleep, he leaves the underwear on, because it was itchy and tight before, but, once he got used to it, it kind of started to feel nice. He tells himself that it's because they're silk, or some sort of cheap hybrid fabric that feels like silk, and that he can go buy boxers made from the same stuff tomorrow, manly underwear that doesn't have lace.

XXXXX

He doesn't make it to the mall that weekend, and it's convenient to wear the other underwear he bought, because he shouldn't let them go to _waste_, and because they're _nice_, okay? Just because he's a guy doesn't mean he's not allowed to like pretty things. All of that's just society trying to keep him down. He's really just making a statement, sticking up for the rights of his fellow man.

Really, it's like a protest. In his pants.

XXXXX

He's standing in the kitchen one morning frying bacon when Carly comes downstairs, says something tired and indistinguishable and then makes a frightening, high-pitched noise. Spencer whirls around, yelping when his elbow hits the frying pan, dancing away from the stove.

"What, what, oh my god," he says, and she stares back at him with wide eyes.

"Are you wearing _panties_?"

Spencer stops, looks down.

"I really have to start remembering to put pants on in the morning." he says.

"Yeah," Carly says, covering her eyes with her hands while he walks back to his room, "Yeah, you do. Are you having some kind of personal crises? Do I need to give you a hug and tell you I love you and that you're a special, special snowflake?"

Maybe, Spencer thinks, then yells, "Maybe!" over his shoulder, frowning a little.

XXXXX

When he walks back into the living room after finding some pants, Carly is waiting for him, and somehow he finds himself with her skinny arms wrapped around him tight, because she's totally awesome at stealth hugging. He hugs her back, lips twisting up in a smile.

"The most special snowflake," she says, "seriously."

"Thank you." he says, patting her on the head. "Now, let's never talk about this again."

"Are you going to start borrowing my makeup?" she asks, pulling away from him. "Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I'd just like to know, you know. Beforehand."

"No," he promises, then pauses for a second before continuing, "yeah, definitely no."

"Then I'm cool with never talking about this ever again."

She hugs him one more time before going back upstairs with most of his bacon. He doesn't fight it. He's mostly just happy that she didn't freak out and try to, like, move to Yakima to get away from him.

XXXXX

The next time he sees Socko, he says, "I liked you better as a girl," a little sadly, and Spencer punches him in the shoulder and grins.


End file.
